Choosing Life Over Alcohol: Kirsten’s Story of Sobriety, Neurodivergence, and Breaking from AA

Jul 11

Written By Meghan

“I didn’t get sober because I wanted to quit drinking. I chose life.”

That’s how Kirsten begins her story — not with a celebration, not with clarity, but with fear, panic, and the stark realization that she was on the edge of death.

This wasn’t a rock-bottom drinking story that ended with a sunrise and a newfound love for green smoothies. This is a raw, complex, and unfiltered look at what it means to actually choose sobriety — when you’re out of options, out of illusions, and out of time.

🎧 Watch my full interview with Kirsten on the Sobriety Uncensored Podcast here 👇🏻

The Mirror Moment: When You Know It’s Over

Kirsten remembers the exact moment it shifted. She looked in the mirror, and she didn’t see herself. She saw an empty shell. Her words:

“I looked like my spirit was about to leave my body. If I don’t choose life, it’s over.”

That’s when she knew. She wasn’t quitting alcohol because of a gentle wake-up call. She wasn’t entering sobriety out of inspiration. She was about to die, and alcohol — once her solution — had turned on her.

The Brutality of Year One: Alcohol, Benzos, and a Nervous System in Chaos

Kirsten’s first year sober wasn’t just about quitting alcohol. She was also coming off two and a half years of prescribed Clonazepam (a benzo) — taken daily for anxiety. But no one had warned her what benzo withdrawal would feel like.

In 2009, there wasn’t much available online. Instagram didn’t exist. Conversations around benzo dependence, neurodivergence, or even complex trauma weren’t happening yet.
So when the panic attacks came daily, Kirsten didn’t know she was in hardcore withdrawal.

“I thought I was just having anxiety attacks… but I was in deep benzo withdrawal. It was like coming off both alcohol and medication at once — and I had no coping skills.”

She had nothing to lean on. Not even language for what was happening to her.

Sobriety Without Tools: No Coping, No Diagnosis, No Clarity

At 33, Kirsten had no idea she was neurodivergent. It wasn’t until 11 years into her sobriety that she was diagnosed with autism, and 15 years in that she was diagnosed with ADHD.

Looking back, she realized she had been self-medicating for years — not just because of trauma, but because her brain and body weren’t functioning in the ways others assumed they should. She wasn’t broken. She was unsupported, undiagnosed, and unheard.

“My sponsor in AA told me all my anxiety and compulsions were ‘untreated alcoholism.’ But now I know they were ADHD traits and autistic wiring. I was trying to pray my brain away.”

A Rehab That Helped — and Hurt

Kirsten entered a 30-day rehab in Los Angeles. She was clear she didn’t want religion. She didn’t want to be “converted.” She just wanted to stop dying.

The rehab helped her begin sobriety — but it wasn’t without harm. Some aspects of the experience were honest and healing: sunrise chats with other residents, finally talking openly about her drinking, the release of decades of shame. But others were damaging. She was vulnerable — and vulnerable people in recovery are often taken advantage of.

“We don’t always know we have rights in recovery. We’re people-pleasers. We’re afraid to speak up. And sometimes we’re not treated with the care we deserve.”

A Decade in AA — and Then, A Full Stop

Kirsten stayed sober after rehab and entered Alcoholics Anonymous.For over ten years, she followed the Big Book, sponsored others, worked the steps, and became a true believer.

But in 2020 — during the height of the pandemic — something cracked. She was stuck in Bali, Indonesia, watching the world unravel, and began to reflect on the fear-driven messaging inside AA.

“I remembered a tour guide telling me that Bill Wilson ‘rounded up’ the number of original AA members because he was a salesman. That moment came back to me. What exactly had I been sold?”

That question led her down a path of critical thinking that she hadn’t allowed herself to explore for a decade.

“AA Helped Me Get Sober. But It Also Harmed Me.”

Kirsten doesn’t deny that AA helped her quit drinking. But she’s clear: it came at a cost.

“I still have the conditioning in my head — five years after leaving. What did it take from me? I stayed sober, yes. But was I ever empowered? Was I ever allowed to think for myself?”

The binary thinking of AA — that if you leave, you’ll die — kept her trapped. For years, she believed she had a progressive disease. That relapse was inevitable. That she was powerless.

But what she really had was a misdiagnosed nervous system, unresolved trauma, and an untreated mental health history that needed real support — not slogans.

Rebuilding Her Brain: Anxiety, Neuroplasticity, and Real Healing

After leaving AA, Kirsten set out to heal her body and mind on her terms — using modern science and her intuition. Here’s what worked for her:

A keto diet to stabilize her neurodivergent brain
Nature walks twice a day
Meditation — starting with 2 minutes on a pillow
Red and infrared light therapy
Removing dairy and gluten
Reading autism and ADHD research for two years straight
Slowly rewiring how she thought about herself and her brain

“It took two and a half years, but the anxiety attacks stopped. I haven’t had one since 2012.”

Sobriety Isn’t Forever — It’s A Season of Recovery

Kirsten no longer identifies as being in “forever recovery.”

“You don’t say you’re recovering from a broken leg 15 years after it happened. At some point, you just recovered. I feel that way about alcohol. I don’t need to live in that identity forever.”

This doesn’t mean sobriety isn’t important.But it means that what works in year one doesn’t have to be the template for the rest of your life.

Plant Medicine, Psychedelics, and a Different Path

Kirsten also explored alternative healing methods — including ayahuasca in Peru and psychedelic-assisted therapy.
She’s open about how controversial this is, especially in traditional recovery circles.

But she makes no apologies.

“I was told plant medicine was a relapse. But psychedelics helped me heal in ways nothing else had. There are many ways to recover. Not all of them involve church basements.”

Her Advice for Anyone in Denial or Struggling to Quit

Kirsten doesn’t preach abstinence. She doesn’t preach anything. But she does offer this:

Start small. Take one night a week off drinking.
Try something new. Explore Smart Recovery or secular support groups.
Be honest — especially with your therapist.
Listen to your gut. If it feels wrong, it probably is — even if everyone else says it’s “right.”

You are not broken. You’re probably just misunderstood.

Final Takeaway: You’re Not Powerless — You’re Just Not Being Heard

Kirsten’s story isn’t about replacing one belief system with another.It’s about reclaiming your autonomy and learning to trust your intuition — even when it goes against what “everyone” says.

“We deserve to know the truth. We deserve options. We deserve frameworks that are grounded in science, not ideology. Sobriety isn’t one-size-fits-all. Recovery isn’t forever. And most of all — we’re not broken. We just haven’t been seen.”

Where to Find Kirsten

You can follow Kirsten and explore her resources at:

YouTube: Sobriety Bestie
Instagram: @sobrietybestie
Website: sobrietybestie.com

Her daily videos explore early sobriety, anxiety recovery, benzo withdrawal, neurodivergence, and leaving AA — from the lens of someone who lived through all of it.

You Are Not Alone

Sobriety doesn’t have to look like the movies.
You don’t have to sit in a circle to heal.
You don’t have to follow one path.
You just have to start walking — and trust that there are others walking with you.